Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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