if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
