ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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