Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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