At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
