I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
