summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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