Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you never un-have a 4some
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
