Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Duck Duck Cougar?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
