K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
