Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
