R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
