Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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