You're completely useless in the revolution.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
