Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
