I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
