Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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