I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
