New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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