I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
