Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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