If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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