I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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