Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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