just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
