Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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