Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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