you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
