She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize