Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
