whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
