Pants 0. Shit 1.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize