I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
