I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
