dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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