She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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