i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
