she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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