What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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