you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
