Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
