wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My ass is underappreciated
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
