sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize