lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
