i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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