I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
