after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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