why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
