My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
