Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
