M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
