the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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