You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
