??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize