Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
