It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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