dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
