What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
