I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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